Love Song Memory
by Marbbles123
Summary: He was on the edge of a bridge, but why was he there? Was he planning to jump? He can't remember. He can't remember anything, not who he is, not where he's from, he can't even remember his name. After being put into the hospital and given the diagnosis, dissociative fugue, Sebastian's forced to face who he once was and figure out if he still wants to be that person or not.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hey, this is my first fanfiction story so be kind and let me know what you think. I got the idea after reading the novel, Love Water Memory and I just had to write it. I'm not sure how long it will be or how often I will be able to update but I will try to finish it as fast as I am able. Thanks for reading!

Summary: He was on the edge of a bridge, but why was he there? Was he planning to jump? He can't remember. He can't remember anything, not who he is, not where he's from, he can't even remember his name. After being put into the hospital and given the diagnosis, dissociative fugue, Sebastian's forced to face who he once was and figure out if he still wants to be that person or if he wants to change himself completely. And if he does change who he once was, what does that mean for his fiancé, Kurt Hummel?

* * *

**Chapter 1**

He became aware when a soft, warm wind blew towards him. He didn't know where he was but he knew he was there for a reason. That reason, however, he did not know. He looked out at the river below him, wanting to find some type of answer. Answers of why he is there, how he got there, who he is. He could feel all the eyes staring into his back, probably all wondering the same things the man on the edge of the bridge was.

He chanced a quick glance behind him, seeing a group of different people standing like frozen statues, probably all wondering what they should do.

The man on the bridge is wondering the same thing. W_hat should I do? _

He doesn't know who he is let alone know what he is doing on the edge of the bridge. Was he planning to jump off? Was he just wanting to see a better view and he believed he could only find it on the edge? Well whatever the reason, all he knows is that he does not want be standing on the edge any longer.

"Um, sir?" A tentative voice said from behind him. When he looked back he saw a skinny woman in her forties, stepping out of the crowd of gawkers and taking a couple of steps toward him. "Please don't. I don't know what your life is like, but don't jump. You must have family, friends, a girlfriend or wife, maybe even children. They would miss you if you jump. _Please._ Just step over the railing and stand on firmer ground; prevent yourself from hurting the people you care about."

_That's just it, _he though to himself. _I don't know who I care about, nor do I know who cares about me. I don't even know what _my _life is like._ Though_ I do know I don't want to standing on the edge of the bridge anymore than the woman wants me standing on the edge._

"What's your name?" The woman asks.

"I-I don't know," he answers as he nervously and very carefully starts to twist himself around to face the crowd.

Instantly, the people begin to panic. A round of "no"'s and "don't jump"'s are yelled as a few people take a couple of steps towards him even though they wouldn't have been able to reach him if he did, in fact, jump. He would have laughed if he wasn't literally a step away from death.

"I-I just n-need help...g-getting over," he says, pointing towards safe ground, unable to find the right words to say.

Just as before, the people instantly take action. A few people rush towards him, taking his arm, telling him which leg to lift first and telling him what they are doing to help him get over the railing safely. Once they get him on the right side of the railing, people begin to fuss over him, asking question after question that he can't find the answers to; simple questions like, what's your name, where do you live, how old are you, how did you get here, what is the last thing you remember? He could not answer one. All he knows is that he's confused, cold, and that he can still count how many fingers the paramedic holds in front of his eyes after they lift him on the stretcher. So all he truly knows is that he can still form words, count, and feel. Nothing personal or anything that could make him believe that he was a real person who actually lived.

As the paramedics pushed his stretcher towards the ambulance, he could feel sleepiness begin to overwhelm him, but before blackness took him, he heard one of the paramedics say that he would probably be placed in psychiatry if he doesn't regain his memory soon or find any relatives or friends who know him.

* * *

It was on his first day after arriving at the hospital and being placed in psychiatry that he learns he is in Paris for reasons unknown and that he was standing on the edge of the Pont Neuf bridge. He also learns that he had no wallet or any identity on his person, so the nurses and doctors all began to call him John Doe, because that's _completely_ original.

That first day was also filled with many questions that he could not answer—same questions he could not answer when he was on the bridge surrounded by many people. He could not give the doctor his name, address, birth date, age, any names of family members or friends because he just could not remember anything. However, funnily enough, he does know how to answer math questions, fix spelling mistakes, and do anything that he must have learned a long time ago, even though he doesn't remember learning it. One of the doctors even said he must have been a lawyer as he can argue any practical subject, even if the answer is clearly another.

_Lawyer isn't me though, _he thought to himself. _I am definitely not a lawyer._ _It just does not feel right at all._

Once the questioning was finally over, he still could not give any concrete information about who he is. It is a few hours later after the doctor—Dr. Goodfellow—leaves him in the room he's placed in the psychiatry floor that Dr. Goodfellow returns with his diagnosis. Apparently he has a rare disorder called dissociative fugue. It is like dissociative identity disorder, known as multiple personality disorder, but instead of many different personalities in one head, there is now no memory of who he/she is or any sense of identity. The disorder is apparently caused by traumatic events and sometimes even by the use or abuse of alcohol and certain drugs. The doctor even asked if "John Doe" remembered a traumatic event happening to him or if he was drinking or doing drugs and he just laughed.

"If I don't even remember my name, do you actually expect me to remember something that happened to me, let alone something traumatic? If I remembered I would have told you because that would be the only thing I could actually tell you. So no, I don't remember anything traumatic happening to me!"

A couple of days after his diagnosis, John Doe learns his story was on the news. Apparently someone who forgets everything about himself and is also a jumper, is newsworthy. _Who knew?_

The nurses on the psychiatry floor were all gossiping about it. They believe that if the news reaches enough people then maybe they might find who "John Doe" belongs to. As if he no longer belongs to himself now that he doesn't know who he is. Now, someone else out in the world is able to tell him who he is, what he does, where he lives, as if he no longer has a choice to become...someone else. He wants to have the choice to become the person he wants to and not have to maneuver himself into the person he was before.

_Though, it would be nice to know someone who knows something, _he thinks to himself. Someone to tell him what his name is, who his family is, where he lives, if he has a girlfriend or wife...or maybe boyfriend or husband. Does he have kids?

_I really hope not,_ he thinks._ I cannot be the type of father who would leave his children._

It is then, on the third day of sleeping and sort of living in the psychiatry floor that he finally learns something about himself, or at least, learns that there _is_ someone who cares for him.

It is two in the afternoon when one of the nurses, nurse Dorothy, knocks on his assigned room's door. The room was nothing special but it is the first real place that he is able to call his own for the time being so he enjoys it. It is the only place where he is able to think, relax, and sleep in peace. The best thing about his own room though is that he can slam the door closed when one of the other patients or nurses annoy him. The door does not stay closed for long, however, as one of the nurses always comes to check on him to make sure he doesn't do anything drastic, like jump out the window even though there is no way to open it. It's the action that counts. He can close out the world for a few seconds before it comes knocking at his door.

"Come in," he says to nurse Dorothy even though she is already opening the door. "What did I do to earn the pleasure of your presence?"

Nurse Dorothy laughs. "As charming as ever John Doe, but I'm afraid this visit is not just for me to see your handsome face."

"Oh well," he says with a shrug. "Your loss, my gain."

The nurse lifts her left eyebrow at him and then shakes her head. "I actually come with good news. Apparently you did not fall from the sky and grace your handsome face on earth as a gift from God to humanity, as you like to call it. You, my dear friend, are just like the rest of us, with a name, address, friends, family, and even a fiancé."

"Fiancé?"

"Yes, that's actually who just called. Claimed he knew your name, where you lived, even had pictures of the two of you together," she says excitedly. "You'll finally know who you are, _Sebastian_."

"Sebastian?" He asks incredulously. "That's my name? Seriously?"

"Apparently so. At least that's what he said your name was."

"He?" Sebastian asks.

"Yeah, _he_; your fiancé," Nurse Dorothy says, smiling. "Kurt Hummel."


	2. Chapter 2

Tapping impatiently on his knee as the cab drives down the road toward the hospital, Kurt watches as Paris buildings quickly pass by the window. He could see the Eiffel Tower looming over the city. Kurt has only been to Paris a couple of times but both times were business-related and Sebastian did not come with him either time; said he didn't want to be involved in the fashion industry anymore than he already is through dating Kurt. Therefore, both times Kurt was in Paris he wasn't able to actually see Paris like a regular tourist as he never had time to see all he wanted to. Plus, Kurt secretly wished to come to Paris with Sebastian and see where Sebastian lived when he was a child, together. Kurt planned that the next time he would return to Paris, Sebastian would be with him.

_I guess Sebastian and I are both in Paris now, _Kurt thinks to himself. Though not in the way he thought they would be.

This causes Kurt to think of the reason they are both in Paris, now. When Kurt first heard about the man standing on the edge of Pont Neuf bridge, Kurt had only paid attention to the news report because Pont Neuf bridge is the bridge Sebastian talked the most about when they discussed traveling to Paris together. Kurt saw the news report on the fourth day of Kurt frantically searching for Sebastian. Kurt can't even remember how many "Missing Person" fliers he and Rachel printed out over the last four days. He does know, however, that every place Kurt and Sebastian frequented in New York has one or two fliers within (one inside and one outside). Kurt also knows that the fliers are stapled or taped in almost every coffee shop in New York, thanks to Mercedes, Sam, Blaine, Santana, Elliot, Brittany, and Rachel. Kurt also knows that even though they printed out a lot of papers, killed a lot of trees, he would do it all over again if it would help Kurt find Sebastian.

It was just a fluke that the news report was even playing at that time. Kurt remembers absentmindedly turning on the TV as he searched through other possible places Sebastian could have gone when he heard the news anchor mention the Pont Neuf bridge and the man standing on the edge. Kurt's interest had instantly been piqued when he heard the bridge's name, and when he looked up, there was Sebastian; or, at least a person who looked awfully like Sebastian. The side of the man's face was showing as he was being wheeled into the back of an ambulance and Kurt remembered feeling his heart constricting at the thought of Sebastian being hurt or finding himself in a situation where jumping of a bridge is the only solution he can come up with to solve the situation he is in.

Instantly, after watching the news report, Kurt denied it being Sebastian. _It couldn't be him,_ Kurt thought to himself. _Sebastian would never travel that far on a whim. And he would never try to jump off a bridge!_

Though, as he listened to the news reporter, he learns that the man has no recollection of who he was, not even his own name. He also learns that he has no identification cards or a wallet on his person, which makes sense since Sebastian's wallet is sitting on the coffee table underneath the scattered papers Kurt has been searching through for the past four days.

After that first news report, Kurt religiously looked for other news clips about the same man on the bridge until he decided to throw caution to the wind and just find out if that man standing on the edge of the bridge, who has now forgotten everything about himself—including Kurt if it is Sebastian—and is now residing in Pitié-Salpêtrière Hospital, is in fact his fiancé, Sebastian.

After phoning, and being asked questions after questions and then being asked to send a few pictures of Sebastian (Kurt sent one of just Sebastian; one of Sebastian, Kurt, Santana, and Rachel; and then another with just Kurt and Sebastian) did Kurt finally convince the nurse that he did, in fact, know "John Doe" as she referred him as—a fact that Kurt cannot wait to mock Sebastian about. At least until after he, maybe, hopefully—probably not—regains his memory back.

It is this thought, that Sebastian will not regain his memory—that he won't remember their first meeting in the Lima Bean; their first date after they bumped into each other a couple years after they graduated from college; the day Sebastian was so nervous to meet Burt for the first time, because he was so sure Burt would not accept him for what he did in the past; or even Kurt's best day of his life: the day Sebastian asked Kurt to marry him. This thought causes Kurt to stare down at his fidgeting hands in his lap, hoping for the best but expecting the worst in regard to Sebastian's memory and their relationship.

_Will they even get married? _Kurt thinks to himself.

They set their wedding date a long time ago. It was a few months—maybe 6 or 8 months—after Sebastian proposed that they finally decided to save the date for their wedding.

"_Okay, seriously Sebastian, we need to pick a date," Kurt complained as he stormed from the kitchen where he had just finished talking on the phone with his father, Burt. "Because if I have to hear one more of dad's lectures on saving a date, I will just cancel the wedding off and see how he likes that. I mean, every time , and I mean every time, dad phones, he asks when the wedding is and every time I have to answer that we haven't picked a date yet. Then he goes through the same lecture of 'you need to pick a date soon or you may never get married,' and then he says 'and if eventually you do pick a date, no one will care anymore and not show up.' And, seriously, of course people would show up; it's a Kurt Elizabeth Hummel wedding. It will be the most anticipated party of the year. People will show, even people who we don't invite because it will just be_ that_ amazing.__ Ugh! So lets just pick a date, any time of the year, I don't care." Kurt stops for a second before seeming to think of something important to add, pointing dramatically, as taught by Cooper Anderson. "Actually, no, I do care. Not in the winter because some people won't want to travel during winter. Not in the summer either because it might get too hot and you know my skin and the hot sun don't get along very well together. So the only time I will allow you to choose from is during fall or spring."_

_At this, Kurt threw a calendar on the coffee table in front of Sebastian. Sebastian glanced at the calendar, stared at it for a few seconds, looked up at Kurt, and then continued to watch his CSI show on the TV screen. "I don't care babe. You choose."_

"_You don't care?" Kurt asks incredulously. "You don't care about our wedding date? The date that we will celebrate every year after the wedding? You don't care about our wedding?"_

_Sebastian rolls his eyes. "Stop getting your panties in a twist and keep your voice in the range of a normal person,_ Please._ Dogs could hear your high screeching from miles away. And for your information, I do care about the wedding, I just don't care about what day the wedding is on. I would get married to you during a blizzard or the hottest heat wave in human history. I wouldn't care because I would be marrying you, so just take this calender, choose a date, and once you do, we'll celebrate finally choosing a date." A smirk crosses Sebastian's face. "In our bedroom."_

_Kurt's eyes darkened with arousal as he walks toward the coffee table, grabbing the calendar, opened it to a random—not so random, as he still does not want their wedding to be during a blizzard or heat wave—and picks a date. May 5._

May 5. The date has haunted Kurt ever since Sebastian went missing. A few days before the fight and Sebastian mysteriously disappearing, Kurt and Sebastian decided they should send out the invites six weeks before the wedding, which means, if things didn't change so drastically, they would be sending out the invites on the last week of March and today is March 10. If they plan to keep the same date, they will be sending the invites in two weeks. That means their wedding is set for two months from now.

_Will Sebastian even have his memories back by then? _Kurt wonders. Will Sebastian even want to be in a relationship with Kurt? Especially once he learns the reason behind their fight before Sebastian disappeared?

Kurt sighs as he turns his head towards the window again and watches Paris pass him by without even a thought of how beautiful the city is. Nothing will be beautiful to Kurt again if Sebastian doesn't want Kurt.

"We're here," the cab driver says as he slows down in front of the hospital's front door. Kurt stares up at the intimidating building, knowing that Sebastian—his Sebastian—is up there; however, he also knows that Sebastian will not remember him. Kurt is a stranger to Sebastian now and Kurt has no idea what is waiting for him once he does arrive on the psychiatry floor that Sebastian is staying in.

Taking a deep breath, Kurt pays the driver, exits from the cab, and then walks toward the glass door of the hospital. _Might as well just face the music,_ Kurt thinks before entering the hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the long wait! Work was busy and this chapter took a long time for me to get right. It's still not all that great but it's as good as it will get. I will try to get the next chapter out faster but no promises because I don't want to lie.**

**Hope you enjoy the new chapter!**

For the last few days that Sebastian has been in psychiatry, Sebastian has woken up early in the morning every day from the sun filtering in through the windows. That means, every morning at six-thirty in the morning, Sebastian has opened his eyes and has not once been able to go back to sleep and actually sleep in like a normal person. However, Sebastian just guesses that is how he has always been. The nurses told him that even though his mind doesn't remember anything, his body will remember. Therefore, waking up early in the morning must have been a _Sebastian Thing_ before he lost his memory.

Today is no different from the last few days; Sebastian still wakes up at six-thirty, he gets changed into the same clothing he was wearing the night he was standing on the edge of the bridge (after the nurses washed them of course), and then going out into the "living room" where all the patients go to watch TV, play board games, cards, or just to sit down and watch people on the floor.

People watching is Sebastian's best past time since arriving at the hospital. Especially on this floor where there is such different people with different disorders. It's like a sick obsession as there really is nothing else to do besides eat, sleep, and find whatever you can to distract yourself from the life of the hospital. Therefore, Sebastian began to watch the other patients on the floor to keep himself entertained because there is always something going on everyday.

His favourite person to watch is John Tulip, a man who has been in psychiatry for four years. He apparently hears people in his head, telling him to do different things; some innocent, like sneak a pen from the nurses station and place it somewhere, anywhere the voice tells him to. Once, the nurse found her lost pen on accident as she was watering one of the plants. People instantly knew it was John who put it there. However, some of the things the voices say in John's head are not that innocent.

Sebastian saw this first hand during one of his people watching moments. John Tulip walked into the "living room," his hands fidgeting at his sides as he stalked towards the table where two other patients were playing chess. Sebastian, since he has watched each patient closely everyday, viewed this as odd. Usually, John would sit down on one of the chairs in front of the TV if he came into the living room at all. John, Sebastian learns, is not a very sociable guy, so to see him actively go towards other humans, well, Sebastian was a bit curious.

As Sebastian continues to watch John, he also notices a metal butter knife in his left hand, which is shaking. Patients usually get plastic forks and knives for the very purpose of protecting the patients from each other and themselves. The only way for John to have an actual metal knife in his hand, he would have had to steal it from the nurses lounge, which is almost impossible.

_I guess not for John, _Sebastian thinks.

Heart beating harder as Sebastian continues to watch John walk to the other patients playing chess, he gets up from where he's been sitting and signals to one of the nurses. When he gets the nurse behind the counter's attention he points toward John, who is now standing right beside the table of the two chess players.

The chess players, whose names are Frankie and Tracey, look up at the same time the nurse looks in the direction Sebastian was pointing to. Sebastian could see the realization come over the nurses face as she quickly got up off her chair behind the desk and called for the orderlies for help just as John brought the edge of the butter knife to Frankie's throat and pulled him off his chair with a force Sebastian was not at all expecting.

Thankfully, the orderlies came running down the hallway, removing John's hold on the butter knife and Frankie's throat. John kicks out, seemingly wanting to hurt the two burly men restraining him from doing anymore damage to Frankie.

That was the first time Sebastian realized that watching TV, playing games, sleeping, and eating are not the most interesting things to do while waiting for time to go by. Watching the people on the psychiatry is much more entertaining and interesting. It's definitely better than watching TV, especially when the news comes on all he sees is _his_ story being displayed.

It has been a few days and Sebastian hasn't watched television unless it is on a channel that he knows won't include a 3 minute segment about the mystery man on the edge of the bridge, so he doesn't know if the news is still talking about him but he doesn't want to risk it.

However, today, people watching does not distract Sebastian in the same way it has before because today is different from the days before. Sebastian knows today is when everything changes. Today is when Sebastian's fiancé comes to see him.

_What was his name again?_ Sebastian wonders to himself. _Kevin? Kirk?_ The nurse told Sebastian yesterday after they got the call from—_Karl?—_saying that he was only able to get a flight from New York—_wait so I got on plane from _New York_ to Paris just to jump off a bridge?_ Sebastian had thought to himself—to Paris a day and a half after he phoned the first time to check if it really was Sebastian, his supposed fiancé. Which means today is when—_Kelly?—_is coming to the hospital and Sebastian has no idea what to expect.

Will he instantly remember his love for his fiancé on first glance? Will he have no recollection of him at all? Would he even want to still be with—_Keith? _Or maybe, with Sebastian having no memory of anything, this K named person will want nothing to do with him anymore.

_Then where will I be?_ K is the only person who has any idea who Sebastian is—or was. If he rejects Sebastian, Sebastian will be all alone; he'll have to start over as someone else. Create a new personality, change his name. Would he even be gay anymore? Who knows, maybe he's bi.

This causes Sebastian to crack a little smile. _Yeah right._ There is one thing Sebastian knows for sure and that is that he is gay. Definitely gay, even though he does not remember learning the word gay or even bi. But apparently he did learn it at some point. He just does not remember when. How old was he when he learned what gay meant and that he was one? Who was his first boyfriend? Do his parents accept him? Does he even have parents anymore, because if he did they would have wanted to see him just as much as—_Kyle?—_does, right?

It was at that moment that the door to the psychiatry ward opened. Sebastian sucked in a breath, preparing himself for the person walking in who he is sure is K. However, who actually comes through the door is even worse. A blonde woman with a microphone in her hand stomps her heals through the door followed by a burly man holding a large video camera on his shoulder. The woman is wearing a tight-fitting blue dress with black, high heals on.

"Oh there he is," the woman's high voice says as she begins to walk towards Sebastian. "Start rolling Jerry. The fiancé will be here any minute and you know Channel 8 always delivers what the audience wants."

The nurse behind the counter begins to stand up and tells the two news people to leave; however, they do not listen. The woman still walks toward Sebastian. He can see the nurse pick up the phone on her desk, calling for security probably.

"3...2...1," Jerry says and the woman turns towards the camera and begins to speak.

"Here I am at Pitié-Salpêtrière Hospital where we will watch, first hand the reunion of one man who has lost the love of his life and another man who has lost all of his memories. It's a real-life tragic love story and we are fortunate enough to see it, as are you folks watching on TV. The reunion should happen any minute now as the fiancé will be arriving soon, but before that happens, we will speak with the man who has captured the attention of many people over the world!"

At this, the woman begins to stomp her heels towards where Sebastian is standing awkwardly. Sebastian takes a couple of step backwards, as if that will keep the woman from reaching him. However, she reaches him, determined to deliver her story even as the nurse speaks angrily into the phone, telling security to get here as soon as possible.

"Hello," the woman says. "I'm Danielle Clare and I know this is a very overwhelming day for you, but the audience would love to know how you are feeling at the moment. Are you excited to see your fiancé for the first time? Have you remembered anything about your life? Do you think there will be any chance of you and your fiancé reconnecting even with the obstacle of no memories in your way?"

Sebastian stares, frozen in place, unable to think of anything to say. _How is he supposed to answer any of these questions when he hasn't even met this K person yet? _He doesn't even know his name or what he looks like or what he sounds like. He doesn't even have one memory of his fiancé or any other part of his life.

"I-I...um," he stumbles, but before he has to think of how to finish his sentence, the door to the psychiatry opens again and another male walks in. The man's brown hair looks disheveled as if he raked his fingers through it many times. His clothes are not much better, which causes Sebastian to frown, as if he knows that is not normal at all, even though he has no idea why. The man's blue t-shirt looks wrinkled and one half of the shirt is tucked into the gray sweat pants while the rest hangs out, as if he quickly changed clothes and didn't bother looking himself over before leaving. This causes Sebastian to believe, at first, that this man is just another patient. However, that idea is quickly disregarded in a couple of moments.

The disheveled man darts his eyes back and forth in the room before they land on Sebastian's form. Sebastian's green eyes meet the man's blue eyes and instantly he feels less anxious and more calm, though he's unsure why this man has that effect on him.

"Sebastian," the man whispers before quickly striding toward Sebastian.

"This is amazing. Are you getting this Jerry?" Sebastian hears Danielle say before his attention is completely on the man now standing in front of him.

Before Sebastian could really process what was happening, he felt arms wrap around his neck, pulling him toward the stranger who feels almost like coming home. Sebastian takes a deep breath of the unfamiliar, but also familiar, scent of the man, before wrapping his own arms around the man's waist, holding him tight against himself. He could feel something wet land on his shoulder and slowly realized that the man is crying.

Instinctively, Sebastian hushed the stranger and tightened his hold around the man's waist. For some reason, being in this man's arms feels...right. Like _this_ is what he's been missing ever since he "woke up" on the edge of the bridge. Like this K man is who he was searching for as he looked out towards the water. He feels like he just came home and it terrifies him.

Distantly, he hears the woman and man complaining as the security forces them out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, sorry for the long wait! I had this almost finished a few days ago but have been super busy with work :( But finally here it is. Didn't do too much editing so there might be some mistakes. Hope you enjoy the new chapter! There will finally be some Kurt and Sebastian interaction.**

A feeling of relief surrounds Kurt as he feels his arms finally wrap around Sebastian's neck, to finally feel that Sebastian is okay and alive. It feels amazing to have Sebastian's own arms wrapped around his waist as if this last week of not knowing where Sebastian was didn't happen. However, the relief is only short lived when Kurt feels Sebastian tense in his arms and Kurt is suddenly reminded of Sebastian not knowing who he is at all. And if this Sebastian is anything like the Sebastian Kurt first met in the Lima Bean, then Sebastian is probably freaking out about being in a relationship, let alone an engagement.

Pulling away from their embrace, Kurt looked up into Sebastian's green eyes worriedly, hoping he didn't scare Sebastian off even before he properly introduced himself again to his fiancé...

_God, it almost sounds like Sebastian and I are in an arranged marriage,_ Kurt thought to himself. An arrangement in which Kurt is in love with Sebastian and Sebastian is not.

It is extremely odd to stare up at Sebastian and see someone who is familiar but unfamiliar at the same time. Sebastian's handsome face is still the same with the same chiseled cheekbones, eyebrows, nose, and freckles. However, even though Kurt is still staring into Sebastian's familiar green eyes, they do not have the same recognition or condescension that they usually hold when he looks at Kurt. Instead, Sebastian just looks at Kurt with curiosity, fear, and indifference. The indifference is the most painful for Kurt because it just shows that it is true that the man Kurt is completely in love in with, only sees Kurt as a stranger. Kurt is now no different from someone walking down the street.

What is also different about Sebastian is his smirk that Kurt used to want to slap off Sebastian's face every time he saw him at the Lima Bean when they were in high school and Sebastian was trying to steal Blaine. The same smirk that Kurt, surprisingly, wishes was still in place because now that it is no longer there, Sebastian doesn't look like...well, Sebastian. Thankfully, though, Sebastian is just as handsome and Kurt is just as in love with him as he was yesterday or even a year ago.

However, through the way Sebastian is looking at Kurt at the moment, that feeling is not reciprocated. _And who knows if his feelings will ever be reciprocated,_ Kurt thinks to himself, feeling a sense of sadness come over him at the thought that it may never be the same again. That maybe the argument they had just before Sebastian left is the very last memory Kurt will have of Sebastian remembering Kurt and feeling love for Kurt—at least feeling anything other than the indifference Kurt still sees displayed on Sebastian's face.

An awkward silence surrounds them when Sebastian drops his arms from Kurt's waist. Slowly, Kurt removes his arms from around Sebastian's neck and takes a step back. Lifting his right arm, Kurt rubs the back of his neck in nervousness.

"So..." Kurt says, unable to think of anything concrete to say to a Sebastian who doesn't know anything about his life, let alone Kurt himself.

"Can I ask you some questions," Sebastian asks. "You're the only person who...you know...actually knows who I am, so..."

"Oh, yeah! Of course. Ask me anything and I'll answer as best I can," Kurt replies, finally feeling useful.

"Okay, well first, um...what's your name?"

"Oh, um..." Kurt stumbles, feeling his heart break a bit more as he is hit with the reality that Sebastian truly doesn't remember anything. Not even his name. "My name's Kurt. Kurt Hummel."

"_Kurt_," Sebastian repeats in a whisper, as if he is trying to match the name to something, which I guess he is. _God, it's probably just as hard for Sebastian as it is for me, maybe even harder_, Kurt thinks to himself. Kurt instantly feels bad for feeling sorry for himself when Sebastian is off so much worse with not remembering anything.

_God I am so selfish._

"So, how are you feeling?" Kurt asks, and then instantly feels stupid for asking the most cliché question when speaking to someone who you don't know very well when they're sick.

Expecting Sebastian to roll his eyes and reply with a sarcastic barb, Kurt's surprised when Sebastian just shrugs and says he's fine before walking toward the two chairs sitting by the window with a table between them. It reminds Kurt of the many times Sebastian and him sat across from each other, sipping their coffees, first of the time when they were exchanging insults for insults when Kurt was still dating Blaine and then of the many coffee dates they had before and after they started dating for real.

Reluctantly Kurt sits across from Sebastian, putting his hands in his lap under the table, unable to think of anything else to do when he doesn't have a coffee cup to grasp or Sebastian's hand to hold.

"Can I ask another question?" Sebastian asks tentatively.

Kurt's shocked again. Sebastian, or at least the Sebastian Kurt knows, would never ask twice if he could ask another question. He would just do it, and ask any question he thought of whether it is a good one to ask or not.

Kurt shakes his head to rid himself of those thoughts. This is still Sebastian, the man he fell in love with. He's just...a little different.

"Yeah, go ahead. Like I said, ask anything and I'll answer as best I can," Kurt replies.

"Okay. Well, first, how old am I?"

"You're thirty-one. In fact, you just turned thirty-one about a month ago. You're birthday's January 27."

"Thirty-one?" Sebastian asks, surprise clear in his voice. "I've lost thirty-one years of memories..."

"Well technically, you wouldn't remember your memories from the ages 1-4 whether you had your memories or not," Kurt mumbles before realizing what he has just said. "I mean...uh...I don't—"

Surprisingly, Kurt sees Sebastian's lips curve into a small smile before he lets out a little chuckle, interrupting Kurt's stumbling. Kurt melts a little, not at all surprised that _this_ Sebastian also has this effect on him.

The smile, however, leaves Sebastian's lips quickly as he's expression becomes serious. "Do you know why I was standing on the edge of that bridge? Why I came to Paris?"

Kurt sucks in a breath because he can tell just how important this question is to Sebastian—to both of them—but he just doesn't have an answer. He doesn't understand why Sebastian left—completely left—after their fight; or why he would travel all the way to Paris, even though Kurt knows Sebastian used to live here in his early childhood but he doesn't talk about it much; or even why he was standing at the edge of the bridge as if he planned to jump. _Thank God he didn't because I don't know what I would do without Sebastian, _Kurt thought to himself.

Kurt takes a deep breath in before lifting his eyes to stare into Sebastian's green ones. "No, I don't. Sorry, I really wish I could answer this question for you, but I just don't know. All I know is that the Sebastian I know is not suicidal or impulsive. He is confident, hardheaded, and happy. He looks at all the facts before even thinking about doing something, so I don't know why he would get on a plane to Paris without telling me..."

Kurt trails off as he realizes that he is talking to Sebastian as if he is not Sebastian but someone else entirely, which, in a way, he is. The man sitting across from Kurt may look like Sebastian but he is definitely not the same Sebastian. He seems more...timid and scared while the Sebastian Kurt knows would have been confident and cocky. It is definitely different, Kurt just hasn't decided if that's a good thing or not.

"Oh, I guess I never thought of how hard this could be for you," Sebastian says with realization.

"Yeah it's difficult but I am definitely better now that I know you're safe and alive and sitting right in front of me," Kurt says, allowing a smile to appear on his face. "Even if you don't remember me, it's still a relief to know that you're okay."

"Well, as okay as someone can be with Dissociative Fugue," Sebastian replies, almost sounding like his old self, except he sounds more depressed rather than sarcastic. "So how long have you and...I been together?"

"It will be eight years in four months."

Sebastian's eyes grow big. "Wow, that's a long time."

"Yeah, sometimes I still can't believe it. Neither can my parents or friends," Kurt responds with a laugh. "Usually, when they see us together we always bicker and tease each other to the point of insulting. But honestly, our relationship probably wouldn't have lasted as long as it has if we didn't because then we wouldn't be...well us. I know this probably makes no sense to you at all."

"No, but it's nice to hear someone talk about me as if I lived before I was found on the edge of the bridge. And it's good to get to know who I was and how you viewed me. It's weird but nice."

"Well I'm glad I can help some," Kurt replies, smiling wide.

"So, you're close to your family?"

Kurt nods. "Yes, very. My dad and I are very close. We were all we had for each other for a while after my mom died so we stuck together through thick and thin. My step-mother is great. She is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. My friends, however, are a little crazy, but you eventually accepted them...sort of."

Sebastian nods along, like he is listening but even with the loss of memory, Kurt can still see the same mannerisms in Sebastian's face and body, that he knows Sebastian is only listening to half of what Kurt is saying while the other half is probably deep in thought. What he is thinking, however, could be anyone's guess. But when Kurt hears the next words that come out of Sebastian's mouth, he knows exactly what Sebastian was thinking about.

"Where's my family?"

The question should not surprise Kurt. If Kurt was in Sebastian's place, he would want to know who he belonged to also. Kurt was even expecting it. However, expecting Sebastian to say it and hearing the hope in Sebastian's voice are two completely different things because now Kurt has no idea what to say.

"...Your—um, I don't—" Kurt stumbles on his words, unable to think of any kind of real response to that question because, well, Kurt doesn't know Sebastian's family. He never has. "I don't know where your family is Sebastian. I've never met them before."


End file.
